My experience with virtual support groups
“Hi, I’m Marcie, and I struggle with anxiety and depression.” This is how I introduce myself every Monday night on my virtual support group. It’s become a habit now, but it never gets easier admitting your mental health diagnosis to a group of strangers. Even writing about my conditions in this blog for you — and the world — to see is terrifying. What will people think of me? Will they think less of me? Will they judge me? This is the stigma around mental health.
While it can be insanely difficult to open up about mental health challenges, I’ve found that openness and vulnerability are necessary in order to heal. When we don’t talk about mental health is when our demons truly thrive.
One way I’ve been open about my mental health is through talk therapy. I’ve been going to therapy regularly for 2 years now, and I’ve found it extremely helpful in my recovery to have someone to talk to about my issues. Two months ago, I realized I needed a little extra help, so I sought out a support group. One of my friends had told me about her support groups over the years, so this encouraged me to give it a shot.
I ended up calling the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) to ask about their virtual connections support group. The man on the other end of the phone patiently answered all my questions about the size of the group, if it was the same people every week, how to register, etc. By the end of the call, he said, “It’s free, and all you have to do is register. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come back.” He was right. What did I have to lose? A few clicks later, I signed up for my first virtual support group.
I logged onto my computer 15 minutes before the support group was set to begin because I didn’t know what to expect. I got myself all set up — water cup nearby, phone on silent, flower in my hair — and took a deep breath, trying to slow my rapid heartbeat and alleviate the tightness I could feel building in my chest. Great, I was getting anxiety about a group meant to help me with my anxiety. Typical me.
When the Zoom call started, the facilitator went over a number of group guidelines, then we each went around and shared our names, diagnoses and how our last week had been. I had never met any of these people before — in person or virtually — and I was supposed to share the most intimate details of my life with them? Luckily, other members of the group went first, so I felt more comfortable sharing when it was my turn to speak.
Deep breath. Here goes nothing. “Hi, I’m Marcie, and I struggle with anxiety and depression.” I dared to be vulnerable and shared my lived experiences with these strangers. It was terrifying opening up, but by the end of the meeting after sharing and listening to other people’s experiences, I realized how much I had gained in a short 90 minutes.
I’ve gone back every week to the NAMI virtual support group, as I’ve found it to be extremely valuable to maintaining and improving my mental health. It helps me to hear how other people cope with their mental health challenges, and when I share what I’m going through, the group always provides me great advice and support. There are a number of familiar faces I see every week that I’ve gotten to know, and it just helps to talk to people struggling with similar issues. They just get it — in a way people who don’t struggle with mental health don’t.
While a support group can be wonderfully supportive (hence the name), I have found it can be emotionally taxing at times. If you have a big heart like me, you may find yourself too emotionally invested in the other members’ mental wellbeing. It can be challenging to cope if you are dealing with your own issues and trying to take on the issues of others at the same time. I have come to learn that I can’t solve the problems of others – I can only be there to listen and provide support. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so I encourage you to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing. For example, I take time to practice self-care after my support group to decompress. If you do find your support group overly draining or it just isn’t a good fit, I encourage you to seek out a different group. I believe there will be one out there that works for you.
A support group is definitely not a substitute for professional help, but I’ve found it is an extremely useful addition to my mental health regimen. Peer-to-peer support is something I think not enough people take advantage of. If you’ve never tried a support group before, I’d encourage you to give it a shot. With the COVID-19 pandemic, there are likely virtual options in your local area.
NAMI Connection is a weekly recovery support group for people living with mental illness in which people learn from each others’ experiences, share coping strategies and offer each other encouragement and understanding. Click here to find your local NAMI support group. NAMI support groups are all free, and you just have to register online to receive the Zoom link.
If you do try a support group, I applaud your bravery and encourage you to be vulnerable. It’s not easy to say, “Hi I’m [insert YOUR name here], and I struggle with [insert YOUR mental health challenges here],” but if you allow yourself to be open, you’ll be able to reap the benefits of support from people who understand you, and we can fight the stigma around mental health together.
